I disappointed myself as a parent the other night. I was a total wimp. We had a fun (and cheap) family night planned with my sister and her family. The kids had earned free meals at an all you can eat pizza/pasta place and then we were invited to a free family night at the local iceskating venue.
On the way to drop the baby off at grandma’s, the kids got into a royal fight. All I remember was that there was hitting and screaming. They got a 1 and a 2 on the way there (3 strikes you’re out kind of thing) because they wouldn’t stop. When I came back out of the grandma’s house, they were out of their seatbelts, honking the car and fighting again. This time it had something to do with a basketball and punching was involved. They got an overdue 3.
Now this is where the wimpy parenting comes in. To me the right thing to do, would be to follow through on a natural consequence — which in this case would be to not let them go to dinner or iceskating. But I just couldn’t do it because of me. I wanted to go out to eat. I wanted to go iceskating for free. I wanted to see my sister and her family. I wanted to have a nice family night. Do you see how it was all about what I wanted and not what was best for the children in the long run? As you can see from our camera phone picture, we ended up going anyway.
I justified my lack of consequences that night by grounding them from friends the next day, but it was just a token act to appease my guilt.
This story isn’t that unusual. I think we wimp out a lot as parents. We want our kids’ to like us, we don’t want to give up our plans, we don’t want to hear the tantrum, or we want to avoid conflict. In the end, we sacrifice what is best or good for our children’s overall character development for what is easiest or most convenient for us at the time.
I better go grow some… parenting muscles.
![I spoke in church today and said the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the greatest act of Charity. I read Moroni 7:45-47 to make my point. But wherever there was the word ‘Charity’ I substituted it out for ‘the Atonement of Jesus Christ.’ See if these scripture verses now have new meaning for you:
“And the Atonement of Jesus Christ suffererth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth in the truth,
[The Atonement of Jesus Christ] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not the Atonement of Jesus Christ, ye are nothing, for the Atonement of Jesus Christ never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail-
But the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”
So Easter really reminds us of love. The first and greatest commandment.](https://www.raisinglemons.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png)
Sometimes following through is so hard! I’ve had both good and bad experiences. I’ve probably been a whimp on more occasions, just for the reasons you listed. Ugh! I wish I could be strong and stick to my guns everytime.
Tiff…Seriously for free food and activity it saved you from having to make dinner and hear their tantrums the rest of the night. So as I see it you rewarded yourself with a well deserved night of family fun. And they still got punished the next day. GOOD WORK!
Just think if we weren’t wimpy parents and if we really followed threw with our punishments, our children might just know we mean bussiness when the next 3 strikes come:)
I think sometimes my kids think I’m all talk and no action. I may tell them that if they keep it up they won’t get to do this, or we won’t be able to go somewhere… But, they know in the end we WILL still go and they WILL still get to do it..
It’s hard to stick to it somethings.
I think you shouldn’t call yourself a wimp. It is totally reasonable to not want to have to cancel your plans and an evening you had looked forward to because of someone else’s behavior. Sometimes it is so hard to give consequences that don’t make your life harder or less pleasant. Maybe you should have made them sit and watch you ice skate for a while! 🙂
Good idea Colleen. Too bad you weren’t with me that night.
I think you have to give yourself a pass on this one. I try to be a stick to my guns parent too, but sometimes the event wins out.
It looks like you had fun, maybe they can do some extra chores to make up for the 3 strikes…
So true! When we punish our children, sometimes we feel like we’re being punished. But the truth is, we pay the price down the road when they don’t believe we mean business.
Cindi