On Motherhood and God and { Crew }

I remember seeing Crew for the first time.  Although he came out via c-section, his face was all squished from being so big (10 lbs 2 oz, 22 inches) in such a small space. Chad propped him up for me to see and I cried, “He is ugly and I love him.”

This is one of my first experiences with unconditional love. Crew hadn’t done anything yet (good or bad) and he wasn’t even cute, and yet I still loved him.

As he has grown he has given me several other chances to experience unconditional love. One day at the doctor’s office (it wasn’t his appointment; he was just along for the ride), he got 3 strikes so I did not let him get a prize.  His world ended, and he let me know it.  For the next 25 minutes he proceeded to scream, cry, bite, kick, and hang off my brand new shirt.  He even told me I was fat and ugly.  And that was just in the doctor’s office waiting room.  I still had to get down the elevator and out to the car with a baby in a baby carrier, a toddler and a crazed Crew.  I remained patient and calm, yet firm, and somehow we made it out to the car.

When things settled down a bit  I said, “Crew, I love you.” He replied, “Well, I still hate you.”  But I still loved him.  Nothing Crew did that day could make me not love him- even kicking me in the shin.

This experience reminded me of the scripture (Romans 8: 38-39) that says nothing can separate us from God’s love.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come; Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Nothing we can do or say or think will make God not love us. He loves us through sin and imperfection and ugliness and mistakes and tantrums.  God loves us unconditionally.

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5 thoughts on “On Motherhood and God and { Crew }”

  1. I laughed and cried. I really feel blessed to have gone through these experiences with you. Your tantrums must make God smile. He knew you would love it in the end. It all just gets “better”. Love you.

    1. Mom,I have no idea what you are talking about. I was referring to Crew’s tantrums not mine 🙂

  2. I was trying to teach Jace a lesson yesterday and he didn’t like that I wouldn’t do something for him and so he wrote me a note that said, “Mom I rilly dote love you.” And all this the day after he gave me a note for Mother’s Day that said, “Mom your perfect.” Yep, you can’t help but love those little drinkers- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

  3. love these posts Tiff. I remember about a week home from the hospital with Kali having an overwhelming experience when I was holding her and just overcome with love for her, a love I had never felt before. it was then for the first time in my life I understood with a mortal mind how loved I was. and the whole plan made sense. children teach us so many great things. being a mother had helped me understand myself better than anything else. thanks for sharing!!!

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