Where Does Confidence Come From?

Background: I introduced you to my Confidence Cookies back in August as part of  a “Back to School Series”.   Although I am fine to give my kids Confidence Cookies as a fun reminder, I knew I would eventually need to teach them about where true confidence comes from. I couldn’t let them think that confidence is just about a cookie.  But I did springboard off my cookie idea to teach the concept.

I have been mulling over the idea of confidence for years.  You might say I have been obsessed with the secret to confidence, because I feel like confidence is the single greatest attribute a kid can have.  I believe if kids have true confidence, they don’t do stupid stuff to get others to like them.  They don’t stay in unhealthy relationships.  They don’t bully or get bullied.  They don’t have an eating disorder or get addicted to drugs, etc. etc.  Overall, confident kids just make better choices.

So how can children gain confidence? Where does confidence come from? Here is the Family Night lesson:

Attention Getter:  I had a jar full of m&ms and labeled it “Confidence”.

Objective: Then I asked the kids, “Do you remember when we made Confidence Cookies?  Well, tonight we are going to make Confidence Cookies again, but this time we are going to talk about the real recipe to confidence and what you can do to become more confident.”

Lesson:  First, it is important to define confidence: believing in yourself, trusting yourself, liking who you are, etc.

Then I showed them the jar of m&ms and asked, “Do you see how there are all different colors of confidence?  Each color stands for a different element to confidence.”


Confidence comes through making good choices over and over again.  If you don’t believe me, think of this scenario: Have you ever passed a police officer when you were speeding or when your kids weren’t buckled?  Compare that to passing him going the speed  limit or when everyone was all buckled up properly.  I bet you had more confidence as you passed him.  And it is a lot less stressful isn’t it?

BlueDivine Nature

Knowing who you are and where you come from fosters confidence.  Understanding your divine origin- that you are a literal child of God- that God is your Father- gives you security, certainty, perspective and purpose.  It is empowering to know that God created us, loves us and trusts us.

Brown- Doing Hard Things

Nothing builds confidence quite like doing something hard and making it through.  My divorce and college graduation forever changed my level of confidence. To bring it to the kids level, I asked Elle,  “How did you feel after you hiked Angel’s Landing?”  When kids are pushed to do what they think they cannot do, they see themselves in a different light; their capacities increase and they learn to trust themselves.

GreenLearning New Skills

Every time you master a small skill your confidence grows.  It could be just learning to tie your shoes or your multiplication facts, but the more skills you learn for yourself the more confident you are.  And learning these skills takes practice- putting in your time; doing the work;  you can’t be confident at a piano recital if you haven’t practiced.

Red- Physical Health

When you are stronger and healthier physically, you are stronger and healthier mentally.  The spirit and the body are inextricably linked.  When one is out of whack, the other suffers.  Plus when you are physically healthy, you feel like you have the energy and capability to face whatever comes.

Yellow-   Looking Beyond Yourself

When you look beyond yourself to help and serve others, selfishness and self-absorption melt away.  When you focus on others, you are less likely to think of your own weaknesses and your own shortcomings.  And when you look for the good in others, you are more likely to see the good in yourself.  Be kind and gentle with others and you will learn be kind and gentle with yourself.

Treat: After we discussed what each M&M color represented, we made cookies and added ‘Confidence’.

Disclaimer:  Confidence is a complex, complicated topic and I don’t have all the answers by any means.  This lesson isn’t perfect and I may change what the colors mean over the years. But I have done some study and much thought and this is just my take on confidence today.  You could change the colors to be whatever you feel develops confidence.


36 thoughts on “Where Does Confidence Come From?”

  1. Tiffany,

    Can I just say that I always think every post you write is my favorite. Until the next one. But THIS is pure brilliance. Thank you! I am printing if off right now. I heart you and your lovely smart brain!


    1. Thank you so much for the time and effort you spent in preparing this lesson/idea. I hope you have plenty of confidence in yourself. You remind me of one of my favorite scriptures. “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly, then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God” You were right on the mark. The only other thing that I think helps is getting unconditional love and support from the people closest to you. Thanks so much for sharing……

  2. Can I have a confidence cookie too, please? 🙂 Love this idea. Will be doing it with my son this week as one of our Spring Break projects. Thank you!

  3. Wishing I had learned TRUE confidence when I was young so I could have avoided A LOT of problems as I got older. But now I can teach my kids so they don’t struggle with the same problems! Thanks Tiff. This is one of my FAVORITE POSTS!

  4. Hannah wanted to tell you that we did this for FHE this week. She loved it (the cookies didn’t have anything to do with that, I’m sure.) Now what we need is your cookie recipe!

      1. I taught the lesson. I accidentally combined green and brown, but he had no comment on the colors. And I seriously want your recipe– mine was okay, but yours looks better.

  5. I love you!!! Thanks for making my life easier by sharing your wonderful ideas! You are my number one resource for tips and ideas for the family. Thanks for helping me create beautiful lemons!!! xox <3

  6. Thanks for sharing this beautiful idea! I saw this on pintetest and had to share it! It’s on my blog with a backlink to your site;) thanks again for the awesome idea! Family is so important to me and little life lessons can be so fun when we take time to make them fun! Have a great weekend!

  7. Found this on Pinterest, and LOVE it. I’m going to do a summer of confidence now, I think. We’ll do an FHE lesson to kick it off, but I think we’ll take each of your colors and spend a week doing some kind of project for each one. So excited. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Julie, I would love to hear your ideas. My husband suggested I do a whole series where I focused on each component of Confidence. I am thinking about doing a FHE lesson for each one, but I just need more time in the day:)

  8. Thank you so much for this brilliant idea! I have pinned many, many things but this is my absolute favorite. You have impacted our home, our kids will love these and they will never get tired of m & m’s! Brilliant! Thanks so much for sharing and inspiring! Wow!

  9. This is such a great post! And the cookies look delicious! We’re so glad you linked up to our “Strut Your Stuff Saturday.” Thanks for coming and we hope you’ll be back. -The Sisters

  10. Stephanie Lewis

    WOW!!!! I am grateful for your willingness to share. I found this on Pinterest and could not repin without writing you and saying THANK YOU for such an AMAZING life lesson.

  11. Love this idea! I am going to try it with the kiddos. what a great lesson to learn when they are young and impressionable. Thanks!

  12. Thank you so much for the helpful ideas. I am a (new) single mother of 4 beautiful kids. I need all the help I can get in raising them with confidence & pure goodness. This helps me remember to put some fun in our everydays lives and learn a great lesson too!

  13. I am sending my greetings from Europe – from Slovakia. I love this idea pretty much. I will definitely going to try it with my son (8) – I´m a teacher and I´m sure it is a very cool way how to teach children these things.

  14. Your approach will make it easier for kids to understand. I agree that confidence can be the determining factor for people. This weekend we’ll have to do this.

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  17. Really enjoyed sharing this lesson with my teenage boys tonight. They are at the point where they needed a reminder about the things that make you truly confident. Thanks so much for taking the time to make this valuable lesson.

  18. This is an awesome article! Every single one of my kids will take something important from this lessong tonight. Thanks you.

  19. I know this post is older but I have been searching your blog to see if you have posted the recipe somewhere? I am going to be doing this next week before school starts and want to make sure the confidence cookies actually taste good. 😉

    1. Mary Kathryn,

      I don’t have a specific confidence cookie recipe … yet 🙂 I just make my go to chocolate chip recipe but throw in M&Ms instead of chocolate chips. You can’t go wrong there! I also think the bags of baking M&Ms have a recipe on the back that you could use. Good luck!

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  22. I love this. I feel the same way about confidence and how important it is for our kids. We will be doing this next week for fhe. Thanks, this is a great way to help them understand a complex idea.

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