Thief of Joy

I saw this quote on Pinterest and loved it!

I know this to be true.

We see comparison all the time amongst women and mothers.

But today I don’t want to talk about comparing ourselves to other women, I want to talk about comparing our children.

And how comparing our children to each other and to other children can rob us and them of joy.

First of all, I know what it is like to be compared. When you have a sister a year and a half older than you and a sister a year and a half younger than you, comparison is inevitable. I knew my whole life that my younger sister was prettier than me.  Everyone told me so.  But they told me I was smarter so that was some how supposed to make it okay that they just compared us.  Neither one of us benefited from those comparisons.

As much as I vowed, I would never compare my own kids (because I know it is painful), sometimes I still do.  This one is nicer, this one is smarter, this one is more like me, this one is more athletic, …

It is not that we can’t notice differences in our children.  To see them all the same would actually be irresponsible parenting.  Each child is unique and has his/her own talents, skill sets and weaknesses- and we must parent accordingly. But comparison comes in when we note the differences and then attach a judgment or a value or a label to the difference.

And I feel the worst when I compare my children to other people’s children.

I don’t do it often (because I think my kids are pretty great), but every once in awhile I will find comparison creeping in to my mind.  My kid can’t do that as well as Kid A.  I wish my daughter was like Kid B.  My son is smarter than Kid C, etc.  But I find myself comparing  Locke to other kids the most.

He is severely speech delayed.  He is 32 months old and his vocabulary is about 7 words and lots of grunts.

Sometimes when I am babysitting my friends’ kids and the little one year olds come up to me and say “Cracker” or “I want some milk” or “I watch Tangled” I feel sad or robbed or jealous.  How much easier would parenting be if my child could just tell me want he wanted?  Instead I endure tantrums and screams and grunts- all because the kid wanted a napkin, but couldn’t find the word.

But when I look at little Locke for just what he is and I don’t compare him to anyone but himself, he is enough. I feel joy with his snuggles, his dance moves, his eyelashes, his amazing brain, his cheesy smile and with each new sound or word he creates.  I could get hung up on the fact that he has 93 words less than other kids his age or I could find love and joy with all that he does have.

Comparison truly is the thief of joy.